What can you endure to become a parent? This is an intimate conversation that reveals the hidden battles and quiet triumphs in the quest for motherhood.
Motherhood is often painted as a serene and joyful experience, but for many women, the journey to becoming a mother is fraught with challenges and heartache. Sandhya Vaidyanathan’s candid recounting of her fertility struggles offers a glimpse into the often hidden emotional and physical toll of this journey. Her story is one of resilience, perseverance, and an unyielding desire to become a mother, despite the numerous obstacles she faced. Today Sandhya's journey has come full circle with the adoption of her two beautiful children, Rukmini and Madhav, bringing a radiant joy and fulfillment to her life.
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A Childhood Dream
Sandhya's longing for motherhood began early. Like many young girls, she grew up surrounded by the narrative of family and parenthood. "When we’re all growing up, especially for the girls, there is this constant fairy tale that’s been spoken about marriage and parenthood," she recalls. She observed her daughter engaging in the same maternal play she once did, a testament to the deep-seated desire to nurture that many women experience. For Sandhya, becoming a mother was not just a dream; it was an integral part of her identity. "I always wanted to be a mother... the idea of being a mother was very important, and yeah, I think I always thought I would be a good mum."
The Heartbreaking Miscarriage
Sandhya’s journey into motherhood was not without its heartbreaks. After marrying Vinod, they decided to let nature take its course regarding children. Eight months into their marriage, Sandhya was thrilled to discover she was pregnant, only to miscarry nine weeks later. "I was 23, a very young age to experience and understand what is happening... it was so exciting, but then, even before we could open up and tell people, I had lost the baby," she shares. This traumatic event was compounded by societal expectations and the lack of open discussion about miscarriage in India. "Nobody talks about the fact that there was something inside you which was growing, which had a heartbeat. We don’t even acknowledge that grief."
Societal Silence and Personal Grief
In the wake of her miscarriage, Sandhya found herself in a society that was ill-equipped to handle such grief. The stigma surrounding miscarriage left her feeling isolated and unsupported. "The natural tendency is to talk about it, but as a society, we still haven’t evolved enough to openly accept grief, especially in this area," she explains. The lack of recognition of her loss made her grief even more profound. "If you haven’t birthed your baby and you’ve not buried your baby, it is no grief," Sandhya reflects on the painful reality that many women face.
The Long Road to Healing
After her miscarriage, Sandhya and Vinod continued to try for a baby for several years. However, a series of medical missteps further complicated her journey. An HSG procedure meant to check her fallopian tubes left her with a severe infection due to a piece of gauze that was accidentally left inside her. "For the next 11 days, I had a very foul-smelling discharge and a lot of pain... they didn’t do the gauze removal properly," she recounts. This infection led to multiple surgeries and ongoing health issues, including pelvic inflammatory disease. "This was the start of my saga," Sandhya notes, emphasizing the cascading effects of medical negligence.
Fighting for Proper Care
Despite the ongoing complications, Sandhya's determination never wavered. She sought out new doctors, researched her conditions, and demanded better care. "At that point of time, I was very clueless about what was happening in my body... today I’m half a gynaec myself because of all the research that I have done," she says. Her persistence paid off when a new doctor discovered the true extent of her complications, including severe internal bleeding from a poorly performed ovarian drilling procedure. "It was supposed to be a very small surgery, but it was almost 6.5-7 hours... my left ovary had become the size of my uterus."
The Importance of Advocacy
Throughout her journey, Sandhya has become a vocal advocate for women's health and patient rights. She stresses the importance of informed decision-making and the right to ask questions. "You’re not questioning the doctor’s authority; you’re asking about your own body," she insists. Her experiences have made her a source of support and information for other women facing similar struggles. "If I had received the right sort of advice and support at that point of time, maybe my mental health would have been better," she reflects, highlighting the crucial role of proper guidance and empathy in healthcare.
A Call for Change
Sandhya's story is not just a personal account but a call to action for society to better support women in their fertility journeys. She envisions a world where grief is acknowledged, support is readily available, and women are empowered to make informed decisions about their health. "Imagine if you had the right kind of channels to talk about this grief... how much better your mental state would be," she muses. Her resilience and advocacy continue to inspire and pave the way for a more compassionate and informed approach to women's health.
Sandhya Vaidyanathan’s journey through motherhood is a testament to the strength and perseverance of women everywhere. Her story serves as a powerful reminder of the need for open conversations, proper medical care, and emotional support in the often challenging path to parenthood.
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