Nobody Warns You ‘Fine’ Means Falling Apart at 3 A.M.: Raw Confessions with Sleep Consultant Rinie Gupta

In an exclusive interview with Rinie Gupta, a double-certified paediatric sleep consultant and the host of India’s top-ranking parenting podcast, The Modern Indian Parent, the truth about the (m)other side of parenting was revealed #unfiltered. Beyond the glamorous baby shoots and baby showers are the unheard screams, bursts of tears, and perpetual self-doubt. Renie heard you; you are not alone.

Welcome to the Chaos Club – You’re Doing Just Fine

When Rinie Gupta speaks about parenting, she doesn’t just share advice; she arms you with permission. Permission to say I’m not okay. Permission to split the night shift. To demand sleep. To let go of the picture-perfect, Pinterest-styled version of motherhood and embrace its glorious, messy, exhausting, and deeply human reality.

Rinie shared the not-so-subtle crisis of early parenting: maternal sleep deprivation, the emotional toll of newborn care, and the silent burdens women are taught to carry with a smile.

“Every mom is struggling, but the struggle is silent,” she said. “You just had a baby, and somebody asks, ‘How’s it going?’ And, you smile and say, ‘Good, good.’ But in reality, you’re tired all the time. You don’t feel like yourself. You don’t know what to do at night with no adequate support.” Turns out you are missing out on the good moments because of that.

Sleep 101: Why Pinterest Boards Can’t Tuck Your Baby In

“Love is an instinct, but parenting is a learned skill.” She’s been up at 3 a.m., rocking a baby with one hand, trying to understand why her baby is waking up every hour. Figuring out baby sleep felt more complex than a math exam — but with less sleep and no syllabus. “Nobody actually thinks about sleep in a very anticipatory way, the way they think about breastfeeding, about birthing. We are learning all of these things before we give birth, but sleep, nobody gives that importance.” It’s assumed. Like babies just close their eyes when you sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle’ — spoiler alert: they don’t. The irony is we are colour-coordinating nurseries but don’t know what a wake window is.

Moms are eventually caught upholding their social persona, presenting an image of everything going well, that their automated response to ‘How did you sleep?’ becomes ‘Good, good,’ but their dark circles scream otherwise. Ask them twice, they’ll say, “I am so tired all the time that I get frustrated. I’m snapping at everybody at the tiniest of things. I’m sleeping in the day and missing out on the moments with my child.” Parents are desperate for calm — but they are often guessing. And it shouldn’t have to be guesswork.

Sleep Deprivation Isn’t a Badge – It’s a Red Flag

In India, surviving on 3 hours of sleep earns you praise. But Rinie calls it a form of ‘torture.’ 

“Stop treating sleep like a luxury. It is a biological necessity,” Rinie explains. It affects your milk supply, your mental health, your relationship.

“One mom told me, ‘I’m a shell of a person right now because I haven’t slept in months.’ Her child was eleven months old at that time, and sleep deprivation was taking a heavy toll on her.” Beyond newborn sleep loss, that was chronic burnout. The side effects? Mental fog. Milk supply dips. Snapping at everyone. She has seen the fallout: partners drifting apart, the delicate equilibrium of work-life balance crumbling, and mothers doubting themselves constantly. A baby not sleeping is not just a minor hiccup — it affects the whole household.

In today’s world, ‘busy’ is a badge of honor. But ‘sleep-deprived?’ That’s often just a silent SOS. Don’t glorify exhaustion. You are not ‘coping.’ You are collapsing.

“You will find it very funny,” she grins, “but I rarely see dads who are sleep-deprived.” Even when the baby’s not sleeping, dads somehow are. It’s like a superpower.

Out of Office ≠ Off Duty: Why Moms Aren’t the Default Night Staff

Night parenting is a full-time job — it’s just that only one parent seems to get the appointment letter. For weeks, she handled every single night wake-up, crying fit, milk feed, and sleep regression alone. Why? Because her husband had “work the next day.”

Mom labour is always seen as nurturing and never taxing. “I’m sorry, but my sleep is important too.” I had to remind everyone that I was working too. “You may be working outside the home, but I am working inside the home. You may be doing a desk job and need to be productive and focused. But, at home, I am keeping a tiny baby alive. And, I am doing this job for which I have had no training, have no team, no support.” That’s not a side hustle; that’s a double shift. “So I also need rest for that,” she shares reaching her breaking point. Mothers, with all their superpowers, are human beings with actual REM cycle needs.

Her signature mic-drop? “Anytime somebody tells me they ‘slept like a baby,’ I reply, ‘Nope, you slept like a baby’s dad; if you got good sleep.’” There’s a difference.

Dad Isn’t ‘Helping’ — He’s Parenting

Let’s dispense with a pervasive myth: a baby exclusively settles for its mother. Dads who claim, ‘I don’t want to make the baby sleep, because I can’t. The baby never settles with me.”

“That’s weaponised incompetence. You pretend you are bad at something so someone takes over,” Rinie says, matter-of-fact. “Dads need to recognize that it’s not some inborn skill that just all women have. Trust me, when we become mothers, we are just as clueless. We don’t know what to do.” So, dear dads, you’re not bad at this — you’re just not trying hard enough. 

Even when we split shifts, if the baby cried during his shift, I still woke up. I couldn’t tune out. Moms are wired for alertness — and guilt. Dads can truly switch off. That difference builds resentment over time. Moms are quick to bust the myth that mothers are born with magical settling skills. Parenting isn’t a maternal gift. It’s a muscle. Dads need to train it, too.

Sleep training, calming techniques, understanding cues — all of it is skill, not sorcery. Sleep support is not a sacred maternal territory. It’s just patience, repetition, and showing up — regardless of gender.

No Guilt Attached — It’s Not a Mum vs. Dad Competition

“My husband and I alternated nights. So that the other parent was able to get the full eight hours without their sleep getting disrupted.” Some families alternate days. Others do weekdays or weekends. The format doesn’t matter. What matters is that both parents are equally invested in protecting each other’s sanity.

Settle the baby. Take over naps. Handle bedtime. Alternate nights. Just show up. Rinie helps families build custom schedules. Her favourite split?

9 PM–2 AM: Dad

2 AM–7 AM: Mom

Sleep is not a mom-only sport. Mothers often feel guilt for sleeping in. Rinie gets it. This isn’t about sleep; it’s about self-worth. It’s a team game. Substitutions allowed. “I think at some point, all children sleep through the night like that is basic biological development. At some point, they will just sleep through. But I also tell parents, if you are absolutely working on fumes right now, you know, you are on your last tether, you’re just holding on by a thread to your sanity, then you don’t need to always keep waiting it out.”

Sleep When the Baby Sleeps? Ha! Cute.

Ah, the classic line – “Sleep when the baby sleeps” puts undue pressure on the mom to force her to sleep at a time when her body may be demanding a stroll outside or just Netflix and chill. “I never say sleep when the baby sleeps; I always say rest when the baby sleeps, and by rest, I mean whatever it is that fills your cup.” Rest is subjective. Use that time to discover a new series or read a new genre. Lists that say, ‘enjoy every moment’ sound sweet – until you are sleep-deprived and spiralling.

“Whether it is going to take a nice warm shower, having a nice cup of coffee, calling a friend, browsing some reels, watching an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S or just lying down in the dark, whatever it is that fills your cup, makes you feel a little well rested, do that when the baby is sleeping and in that process if you want to sleep, you want to just hug them and you want to sleep on the bed, if that’s what you need, that’s sacred. Don’t add guilt to your exhaustion. Just go ahead and do that.” Tune in to Modern Indian Parent, and let parenting be #guiltfree.

Grandparents, Generational Gyaan & Gentle Boundaries

In Indian homes, every decision comes with commentary — usually from someone sipping Chai on the sofa.

Grandparents often mean well, but they also think sleep training is emotional abandonment. And that often leads to friction. The baby is finally settling into a routine, and then a well-meaning relative offers a piece of unsolicited advice. Now the baby’s confused, mom’s frustrated, and the routine is wrecked.

Nothing says ‘modern parenting nightmare’ like a well-intentioned family intervention at bedtime. Rinie’s advice? “So depending on what sleep approach you’re taking, let’s say if you want to hold and rock the baby to sleep, that’s when grandparents can step in. And you let your child build that relationship with their grandparent and let them get used to it.” It does not discharge you off the labour or trap you in the guilt of being an unavailable mom. It takes some load off your shoulders; corporates call this ‘work delegation’ and families ‘love.’

Routine is Not a Buzzkill — It’s a Lifesaver

Babies are not party animals. They don’t need spontaneity; they need structure. Rinie has a science-backed golden rule to offer. Plan on:

• Same wake-up time.
• Predictable nap windows
• Bedtime within a 30-minute range

She breaks the myth that 8 hours is enough. “Eight hours,” she shares, “is the sleep requirement of an adult at night. For a child, they need 11 hours. It’s anything and an average of 10 to 12 hours. But 11 hours is what they typically need at night to really maximize the advantages of everything, and only night sleep has that to offer.”

A Love Letter to Overworked Moms

There are stories that shift something deep within you, making the world feel a little less lonely. For me, writing this piece was that. It unveiled the tender, silent understanding and unspoken solidarity shared between those navigating the beautiful, bewildering early years of parenthood—a nod across a crowded room that says, I get it. My deepest wish is that you take with this article a profound kinship. Know that your raw, unedited journey is exactly where the real magic lies.

And to you, dear mom, in the quiet hours of the night or the relentless pace of the day, please remember this: Your exhaustion is seen, your silent battles are heard, and your immense effort is deeply, truly appreciated. You are more than a sleep-deprived caregiver; you are the heart of your home, and your well-being matters beyond measure. This isn’t just a phase to survive; it’s a profound journey that asks so much of you. So, lean on your village, reclaim your rest, and know that you are doing an extraordinary job, even when everything seems to be falling apart. You are not just raising a baby but building a legacy of love, one precious, imperfect moment at a time. And in this beautiful, bewildering phase of motherhood, you are absolutely undeniably enough.